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My Custom Van: And 50 Other Mind-Blowing Essays that Will Blow Your Mind All Over Your Face | 
 enlarge | Author: Michael Ian Black
Publisher: Simon Spotlight Entertainment
Category: Book
List Price: $23.95
Buy New: $14.74
You Save: $9.21 (38%)
New (26) Used (8) from $14.74
Avg. Customer Rating:  104 reviews
Sales Rank: 1042
Media: Hardcover
Number Of Items: 1
Pages: 240
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.8
Dimensions (in): 8.3 x 5.7 x 1
ISBN: 1416964053
Dewey Decimal Number: 818.602
EAN: 9781416964056
ASIN: 1416964053
Publication Date: July 15, 2008
Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days
Shipping: International shipping available
Condition: Brand New, Perfect Condition, Please allow 4-14 business days for delivery. 100% Money Back Guarantee, Over 1,000,000 customers served.
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Product Description
Get ready for the read of your life. Never before has a single book combined awesome vans, unicorns, Billy Joel, and erotic fiction in such a potent combination. A writing tour de force? Perhaps. A reading experience that will sear itself into your consciousness like a red-hot branding iron? Without question.Comedian and basic cable superstar Michael Ian Black unleashes the full fury of his astonishing intellect in this collection of short comic essays. My Custom Van is a no-holds-barred assault to the funny bone that will literally beat you into submission with hilarity*. How did he do it? How did he create such a fine anthology? Answer: With love. Michael opened his heart and used the magical power of love to write more than fifty thought-provoking essays like, "Why I Used a Day-Glo Magic Marker to Color My Dick Yellow," and "An Open Letter to the Hair Stylist Who Somehow Convinced Me to Get a Perm When I Was in Sixth Grade." Maybe you think love is not a substitute for "good writing skills" and "spell check." Bull pucky! When it comes to writing books, love is the most powerful word processor of all. Sounds pretty great, right? And yet...something is still holding you back from paying the full purchase price of this book. What is it? Perhaps you secretly believe you do not deserve a book this good. Nonsense -- you deserve this book and so much more. In fact, if Michael could have written you all the stars in the sky, that's what he would have done. But he couldn't do that, due to his lack of knowledge in the area of astronomy. So he wrote this book instead. And this flap copy. Enjoy. * Michael Ian Black is not responsible for any actual injuries caused by reading this book.
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| Customer Reviews: Read 99 more reviews...
 intriguing book September 7, 2008
When i first saw this book i wasnt really ready to sit down and open it up...after a couple of days of seeing it sit on the counter, I grabbed it.
Expecting nonsense that some people call humor, I really got into each "essay" and the things that normal people think of...Goodness!
Some of it makes you wonder if these people are actually quote on quote NORMAL!! HA HA!!
Each story is unique and i enjoyed them thoroughly. Sharing laughter with my parents and thinking back to when i would have most likely have written something that would have been deemed necessary to add within the pages of this book.
I am pleased to write that this book would be a great gift for anyone who has an imagination and a GREAT sense of humor; Among other things!!
 Not all that funny, and leaves me feeling icky too September 7, 2008
This book consists of a bunch of essays, each 3-5 pages long, that are meant to be funny. There is a lot of absurdist humor, which I am inclined to like. But Black is no Steve Martin, the past master of absurdism in the US. In a less absurdist vein, he's no David Sedaris, either.
Much of the supposed humor isn't all that funny. Moreover, Black takes on powerless targets that I don't want to laugh at. As a result, the book doesn't work.
His most popular target is 30-something white guys who entered the workforce straight out of high school and are now stuck in dead-end jobs at big-box stores. They're inevitably portrayed as either still single, or divorced. About half of the essays consist of Black entering the character of one of these guys and then describing, in a very droll way, something that they would like - - such as the custom van of the title.
We're supposed to laugh because these guys live pathetic lives and have tacky interests. But I don't really feel like laughing at them. It feels icky to mock them.
 the joy luck club meets everything mark twain has ever done plus charles dickens September 6, 2008
1 out of 1 found this review helpful
So, I picked up this book at Borders. I really had trouble finding it. I kind of just aimlessly walked around the store hoping someone would ask me if I needed help. Since I actually needed help, I naturally assumed no one would would assist me. Well I was right. I then found one of those awesome computer terminals in the store that tell you where the book is. So I keyed in "Michael Ian Black" because at the time I couldn't think of what the name of the book was. The search results told me the book was in stock, and that it was in the humor section. Great! Now I just had to find the humor section. I think I took another lap or two around the store, and got lost somewhere in the Religion and Philosophy aisle. Not a great aisle to be lost in, let me tell you.
I think a lot of people frequently get lost in that aisle, because as soon as I was about to commit suicide, a store clerk came to my rescue. I had asked her if she knew where the humor section was, and she handed me a map of their giant store. She then circled where we currently were, and drew me the best possible path to the humor section. I thanked the store clerk kindly, and then asked her if she would be able to take me directly to the humor aisle, as I'm not very good at directions, and I didn't bring my GPS navigator. She said sure, and we began a three minute trek across their store.
The clerk was very interested in what I was intending to purchase, because according to her, "Humor books are kind of dull." I laughed. I told her I was in search of the new Michael Ian Black book, she was familiar with the product and said that one of her co-workers is currently reading it, and by currently, literally at that very moment. In fact, she informed me that he had taken the book into the employee restroom and was reading it as we spoke.
I arrived in the humor section, and I saw the book on the top shelf. I am very tall, so I would have no problem grabbing the book but the clerk insisted on getting it for me. She was not as tall as me, and was kind of plump, and dumpy if you ask me. It was very amusing watching her trying to climb the stacks (I think that's what they are called?) and trying to get the book. In addition to grabbing the Michael Ian Black book, she had also managed to knock down a few others of the shelf (Notice I didn't use stacks, I am beginning to doubt myself, and too lazy to look in a dictionary). She handed me the book, and started to try and put the dropped books back onto the shelf. I had offered to assist her, but she refused my help and reminded me that it was her job to put books back.
I then journeyed to the front of the store where the cash registers were, and there was a long line of customers in front of me. I very impatiently waited in line, and overheard an obnoxious cellular phone conversation in front of me. It was a young girl who had picked up that lame Mormon vampire book. Everyone knows that vampires are not Mormons. All I got out of the conversation was that she was "totally hungover yesterday", "her boss is furious at her", and "she wants tacos for supper." Finally, by the time I reached the cash register, I noticed it was the kind, clumsy store clerk who was going to be ringing me in. We laughed, and joked about how I should have just followed her back to the cash register, and that it would have saved us both times. Very hilarious.
As far as the book goes, it's very good. I think on the back sleeve it quotes Sarah Silverman as saying, "A great book to read while pooping!" She is completely right. I think I may have read two chapters while I was doing business, and a third while wiping. I'm very multi-talented like that. If you are only going to read one book this year, please let it be, "My Custom Van" by Michael Ian Black. You will not regret it.
Hysterical debut September 6, 2008
I've enjoyed Michael Ian Black as an actor and a comedian, and although I find most "celebrity" books rather tedious, Black is funny enough that I was willing to give him a chance. I'm really glad that I did.
"My Custom Van" is one of dozens of short pieces that make this book work, along letters to people he's encountered in his life, plans for his eventual robot servant, erotic fiction, and glimpses into his family life. People looking for another David Sedaris (whom Black also targets in this book) won't find it. This isn't a memoir or an autobiography. It's a collection essays that defy typical classification.
And yeah, it's really funny.
If you're into Black's brand of funny, irreverent humor, then you'll enjoy this.
Not that funny September 6, 2008
1 out of 1 found this review helpful
With most of my reviews, I focus less on the plot than on the characters, because there are usually a plethora of reviewers who mention the plot.
With books like this, there is no plot. Therefore, this book can be judged in entirely one dimension, even if that dimension is subjective. In this case, since Michael Ian Black's purpose is to be amusing, we can judge how well he succeeds at that.
The verdict? Overwhelmingly these essays are neither amusing nor offensive. Many say that this is adult reading material, but I would characterize it as PG-13. Granted, the F word shows up a lot and there is an entire essay about sexual activity that may not be appropriate for teenagers. Then again, it may be. It depends on the teenager.
The problem is that, much like PG-13 movies, this depends largely on scatological-type material and crude jokes. If this is your kind of thing, then by all means, pick it up. If it is not, then avoid it and save yourself a few hours and a fistful of dollars.
There were three essays herein that I DID find amusing. One was a rebuttal to Lewis Black's famous disdain for candy corn. This was so amusing that I couldn't really laugh, I was more in shock and awe. The other two focus on the interaction between a permanent highlighter and the confluence of the author's anatomy and on a question of dubious merit which is very interestingly handled in a Socratic method.
I was debating with myself whether to give this three stars or two stars, and then I read the remainder of the reviews. I found myself completely agreeing with those who gave it one star, so I decided that two stars was more appropriate. Since approximately 1/17th of the book worked the way that it was supposed to, I will consider this a fair grade.
D
Harkius
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