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The Gift of Fear | 
 enlarge | Author: Gavin De Becker
Publisher: Dell
Category: Book
List Price: $7.99
Buy Used: $2.49
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Avg. Customer Rating:  280 reviews
Sales Rank: 1428
Media: Mass Market Paperback
Number Of Items: 1
Pages: 432
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.5
Dimensions (in): 6.8 x 4.2 x 1
ISBN: 0440226198
Dewey Decimal Number: 362.88
EAN: 9780440226192
ASIN: 0440226198
Publication Date: May 1998
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Amazon.com
Each hour, 75 women are raped in the United States, and every few seconds, a woman is beaten. Each day, 400 Americans suffer shooting injuries, and another 1,100 face criminals armed with guns. Author Gavin de Becker says victims of violent behavior usually feel a sense of fear before any threat or violence takes place. They may distrust the fear, or it may impel them to some action that saves their lives. A leading expert on predicting violent behavior, de Becker believes we can all learn to recognize these signals of the "universal code of violence," and use them as tools to help us survive. The book teaches how to identify the warning signals of a potential attacker and recommends strategies for dealing with the problem before it becomes life threatening. The case studies are gripping and suspenseful, and include tactics for dealing with similar situations. People don't just "snap" and become violent, says de Becker, whose clients include federal government agencies, celebrities, police departments, and shelters for battered women. "There is a process as observable, and often as predictable, as water coming to a boil." Learning to predict violence is the cornerstone to preventing it. De Becker is a master of the psychology of violence, and his advice may save your life. --Joan Price
Product Description
True fear is a gift.
Unwarranted fear is a curse.
Learn how to tell the difference.
A date won't take "no" for an answer. The new nanny gives a mother an uneasy feeling. A stranger in a deserted parking lot offers unsolicited help. The threat of violence surrounds us every day. But we can protect ourselves, by learning to trust—and act on—our gut instincts.
In this empowering book, Gavin de Becker, the man Oprah Winfrey calls the nation's leading expert on violent behavior, shows you how to spot even subtle signs of danger—before it's too late. Shattering the myth that most violent acts are unpredictable, de Becker, whose clients include top Hollywood stars and government agencies, offers specific ways to protect yourself and those you love, including...how to act when approached by a stranger...when you should fear someone close to you...what to do if you are being stalked...how to uncover the source of anonymous threats or phone calls...the biggest mistake you can make with a threatening person...and more. Learn to spot the danger signals others miss. It might just save your life.
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| Customer Reviews: Read 275 more reviews...
 Identies the problem but fails to provide a solution July 20, 2008
This is an excellent book as far as it goes. However, to learn how to hide your home address, you need to read JJ Luna's book "How to be Invisible." It shows you what to do when a stalker is after you, so that you can hide from him forever.How to Be Invisible: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Personal Privacy, Your Assets, and Your Life (Revised Edition)
 Great Saftey Tips - especially for women July 17, 2008
I really loved this book. I took away some great tips around reading non verbal queues. I especially like how he emphasiszes not only to "trust your instincts" but also walks the reader through deconstructing the clues that make sense of what your instincts are telling you.
I first read this book several years ago (before I had kids) and I guess the best thing I took away from this book, or the thing that affected me the most - even years later, is that now if a stranger approaches me while I'm out with my son (and if I get that uncomforatble feeling that something is not right) I have absolutely no qualms about removing myself and my child from the situation. I no longer worry about being 'nice'. de Becker makes a point, and I'm paraphrasing, but it was something like 'worst case scenario is that some stranger in the mall walks away thinking you're rude. best case scenario, is by not playing into the person, you could have just saved your child from being abducted by a predator'
I think you have to take it with a grain of salt though. No book anywhere, no matter how well written, will offer fool proof solutions to keep you safe from violence. This book is not Gospel. But it made me think. And it was an interesting, captivating read and I walked away better for having read it.
I also read Protecting the Gift, and liked that as well.
Practical and Effective Advice July 12, 2008
This book is the best collection of pragmatic and practical advice I have yet read. I gave it to my teenaged daughter and highly recommend it for any man or woman who wants to learn to trust themselves and be less fearful about living in a world where not everyone is nice.
I survived my earlier years by somehow intuiting and practicing much of what De Becker teaches in his book, though it would have been nice to have had it laid out so clearly for me at that time.
 Excellent advice for living in today's world July 10, 2008
'The Gift of Fear' was recommended to me and my husband at a restaurant recently. The person recommending it is a young man, a dear friend of our daughter and son-in-law. He recently returned from a tour of duty in the Middle East. His job was full of danger, so when he recommended this book as "good information because it reinforces survival instincts, especially when you're dealing with strangers", I ordered the book the next day from Amazon. It came a couple of days later.
When the book arrived, I noticed the full title: 'The Gift of Fear and Other Survival Signals that Protect Us from Violence'. The book is by Gavin De Becker, who is in the business of protecting others from harm. He knows what he's talking about.
I read the book in a couple of days. Chapter 4, Survival Signals, is worth the price of the book alone. There are seven signals that Mr. De Becker points out, in well-explained detail, that each of us should be aware of when dealing with strangers. They are: Forced Teaming, Charm and Niceness, Too Many Details, Typecasting, Loan Sharking, The Unsolicited Promise and Discounting the Word No. Each of these signals is a means to trust that little voice inside your head that tells you "No. Something is wrong." After you read this chapter, you'll understand why that little voice shouldn't be ignored.
Buy this book and read it, especially Chapter 4. It could save your life.
The rest of the book is well written and very interesting. I think Mr. De Becker's chapter on handguns seems a little shrill re: how many people are shot daily in this country, but I know I'd rather have my own weapon handy in case my loved ones are threatened or my home is invaded. With the ongoing Muslim problem in Europe, some Europeans may wish they had the means to protect themselves as we 'cowboys' do here in the USA. My opinion, for what it's worth.
By the way, our young friend at the restaurant read the book before going on his tour to the Middle East. He was glad he'd read it.
Some Relevant Information July 9, 2008
2 out of 2 found this review helpful
As a young child, Gavin De Becker lived in a household of violence. As a result, he developed keen observation skills to help him decide what the best course of action would be when a situation began to look out of control. As an adult, he has been able to study cases of violence and further hone his techniques. In this book, he gives some logical advice about avoiding violence, backed up by numerous anecdotes.
I liked the reminder that we should all be aware of our intuition. If something feels wrong, there is probably a reason, and we shouldn't ignore these feelings. I think that it's always useful to have a reminder to be aware of our environment and the people in it, and it's also good to have a reminder that certain horrific scenarios, such as random kidnapping, are much less likely than the media would have us believe.
However, much of this book simply wasn't relevant to my life. As a series of anecdotes about the rich and famous, or a "day in the life" memoir of a security expert, it was very interesting. As a book that would help me in specific situations I may encounter, it wasn't as helpful as I would have hoped. A fairly small group of people will be called upon to screen someone for employment, or to fire that person when things go badly. An even smaller pool of people will ever be famous and find themselves stalked by a fan, or a victim of blackmail attempts.
The author's life is colorful; there is no denying that. His work is fascinating and useful, but much of it simply isn't useful to ME.
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