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Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men | 
 enlarge | Author: Lundy Bancroft
Publisher: Berkley Trade
Category: Book
List Price: $16.00
Buy New: $9.02
You Save: $6.98 (44%)
New (33) Used (25) from $6.98
Avg. Customer Rating:  173 reviews
Sales Rank: 1171
Media: Paperback
Number Of Items: 1
Pages: 432
Shipping Weight (lbs): 1
Dimensions (in): 8.9 x 5.9 x 1.1
ISBN: 0425191656
Dewey Decimal Number: 362.82920973
EAN: 9780425191651
ASIN: 0425191656
Publication Date: September 2, 2003
Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days
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Product Description
"He doesn't mean to hurt me-he just loses control."
"He can be sweet and gentle."
"He's scared me a few times, but he never hurts the children-he's a great father."
"He's had a really hard life..."
Women in abusive relationships tell themselves these things every day. Now they can see inside the minds of angry and controlling men-and change their own lives. In this groundbreaking book, a counselor shows how to improve, survive, or leave an abusive relationship, with:
The early warning signs
Nine abusive personality types
How to tell if an abuser can change, is changing, or ever will
The role of drugs and alcohol
What can be fixed, and what can't
How to leave a relationship safely
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| Customer Reviews: Read 168 more reviews...
 The bible about abusive behavior and how to see through it clearly July 21, 2008
In Feb. of this year my child and I escaped from my husband's abusive behavior to a domestic violence shelter. The shelter staff fortunatley invited me to a teleconference by the author Lundy Bancroft who summarized the behavior of an abusive person which fit my husband almost to a T so I bought the book.
This book helped me to see clearly. I'm a pretty logical person and had only been in the abuse for 3 years and had tried marriage counseling before deciding to leave. I knew he wouldn't change but my emotions were all over the place and I asked myself all the time "Why did he do that?" "Didn't he know what happiness he was missing out on?" etc.
After finishing the book I understood why he had acted that way and I also noticed more subtle forms of emotional and verbal abuse he had used on me. I had no question that I could never go back to him. If I hadn't read the book I'd be questioning myself more.
I lent the book to my brother's friend who is a guy that was being abused by his wife. This guy I viewed as pretty much destroyed and thought he'd never leave his wife. I knew that if he read the book he'd be able to leave her. Happy news he read the book and has left her.
In addition to victims others should read this book like lawyers, judges, marriage counselors, police, teenagers, etc.to be able to see through the lies. Many abusers are very cunning and can mislead law enforcement, courts, and marriage counselors.
I just can't recommend this book enough. I donnated my copy to a local domestic violence shelter and am going to buy another one to lend.
This book saved my life July 14, 2008
This book helped me see my husband for what he was...a sociopathic drunk. Before I read this I thought marriage counseling could fix everything in our relationship. Thanks to Bancroft I was expecting it when my verbally abusive husband became violent. I didn't hesitate to call the police the first time he hit me. He did three months in jail. After his release the courts ordered him to undergo alcohol abuse treatment and psychological therapy. He wouldn't stick to either program. I've filed for divorce and he's out there somewhere running from the law for violating his probation. I haven't seen my husband in four months, but he still calls me in the middle of the night to profess his undying love. I wish I'd read this book before I met this creep. It gives you lists of early warning signs to look for. If I had known then what I know now, I wouldn't have risked my life by marrying my soon-to-be ex-husband.
Eerily Awesome! July 11, 2008
This book is outstanding! I felt as if the author had been looking in my window because the scenarios were so accurate. Unfortunetely, I'm still easily swayed by my husband and just can't seem to "get it". Please pray for me.
VALIDATED AT LAST June 17, 2008
1 out of 1 found this review helpful
This is a life changing book. I found myself underlining something on almost every page and writing my agreements in the margins. I urge anyone who is in an abusive relationship or has been in one to read this book. It is essential to understanding those type of men who abuse. If I had read this book when I first got married,it would have saved me from 33 years of abuse waiting and hoping he would change. I left 2 years ago but still struggled with my fears and mixed emotions. People think it should be easy to get out but this book explains so well the many reasons it isn't. When I finished reading it, I felt it was finally over. At last, I felt validated and learned that those nagging feelings I had for so many years were right. Now, there's no looking back, I'm free.
I haven't found any other book that explains how those men think.
A must read.
'Why Does He Do That?' by Lundy Bancroft May 23, 2008
How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get InvolvedHow to Spot a Dangerous Man Workbook: A Survival Guide for Women Surprisingly sound reading, unveils the myths and mystery of the abusive relationship. Lundy Bancroft's passion in his resolve to merge insight and justice for the abused if not bewildered twenty-first century woman is sensible and courageous. Lundy's work will literally guide and provide every mother, daughter and sister the perceptions necessary to begin healing, necessary to bring us out of this dark age and out of abuse.
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