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Peace Between the Sheets: Healing with Sexual Relationships | 
 enlarge | Author: Marnia Robinson
Publisher: Frog Books
Category: Book
List Price: $16.95
Buy New: $9.56
You Save: $7.39 (44%)
New (27) Used (8) from $9.25
Avg. Customer Rating:  15 reviews
Sales Rank: 83774
Media: Paperback
Number Of Items: 1
Pages: 240
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.9
Dimensions (in): 8.8 x 6 x 0.9
ISBN: 1583940871
Dewey Decimal Number: 306.7
EAN: 9781583940877
ASIN: 1583940871
Publication Date: November 17, 2003
Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days
Shipping: International shipping available
Condition: Brand new item. Over 3.5 million customers served. Order now. Selling online since 1995. Order with confidence. Code: B20080818211952T
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Product Description
Peace Between the Sheets offers a simple but revolutionary analysis: modern relationships often founder because of dysfunctional sexual habits. But when couples shift away from "heat-centered" toward "heart-centered" sexual interactions, they gain a mutual satisfaction that transcends physical gratification. Robinson advocates teaching the body a different response to sexual arousal that is driven by love over biology. The benefits include reducing stress, rejuvenating the body, helping overcome addictions, and developing a positive outlook. Over two parts, "Why" and "How," the book devotes twelve chapters to topics like "Why do We Fall Out of Love?," "Outwitting Biology," "Want to Try It?," and "The Ecstatic Exchanges." Peace Between the Sheets tackles a delicate issue with sound reasoning, solid research, and a healthy dose of humor.
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| Customer Reviews: Read 10 more reviews...
 An excellent book with an excellent message February 27, 2008
I always have multiple copies of this book on hand to lend out to friends, and always get really good feedback. A great explination of the addictive tendencies of humans, as well as practical advice on how to break ourselves of our oft-times destructive habits. I recommend everyone read this book.
 Brand new (old) approach to sex! June 11, 2007
Finally someone has mananged to explain in detail the real reason of "why relationships fail?"
And what could that be? The thing we love the most in sex...the spasm. The cure?....Sex without spasm.
Ancients have long taught this practice of Sacred Sex. But modern humanity has had a unconscious understanding of the sexual energy and how it should be used, we only know 2 things when it comes to sex: creating more bodies and egotistical genital & self gratification.
Marnia Robinson shows the way to have sex consciously without ego, without perversity.
The book is in 2 parts.
-The First deals with explaining Sacred Sex from a modern scientific point of view along with taking into account ancient spiritual sources on sex.
-The Second deals with a series of exchange excercises where a couple can learn to connect with each other taking slow steps before culminating with the sexual act.
The author spent 12 years researching the topic and shares many stories of her trials and errors, and profound discoveries. Her knowledge of sexual matters is as vast as a sexologist but with the added bonus of being a practicioner. (She is a real sexologist compared to the materialistic sexologists who are constricted to biology).
Peace Bewteen the Sheets could save your relationship or someone's you know. This book is amazing!
Peace Between the Sheets May 14, 2007
Now I understand --- after so many years of making the same mistakes!
Interesting, but some odd leaps in logic.... April 29, 2007
25 out of 25 found this review helpful
I rated this book a 4 because I think it has many good features and a message that a lot of people might need to hear. In reality, I think it merits a 3.5 because although the author has a good background, I found she made some leaps in logic that may not apply to everyone.
The book starts off by explaining that old evolutionary hardwired responses often undermine love relationships. So far, she is on solid ground. Most evolutionary biologists agree that we often unconsciously act on hidden mating agendas and various statistic support that many times these behaviors are not in our best interests. David Buss has written a lot about this and you can see what he has to say in the excellent book, The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating.
The author continues on to explain how certain neurochemicals associated with orgasm and the pleasure/reward part of the limbic system affect our perception of our partner, bonding and mating behavior. A lot of what the author says is true and you can get more detail on this in the book, The Female Brain or other books.
The primary premise seems to get off track, however, when the author makes the assertion that having orgasms during sex leads to dysfunctional behavior. While I think it may be true that this could be the case, I don't buy that it is ALWAYS the case or true universally.
I think the problem here is that the author makes a biological argument and then bring in some psychology to back up her argument. For example, she mentions that many people feel they will be engulfed or annhilated after orgasm and this leads to fear which causes separation. While this may be true, it is most likely to be true when there have been developmental failures along the way, the self is weak, etc. She doesn't include this part of the picture and seems to overgeneralize. I could imagine that for many people the challenge of one of these two reactions with the right support from the Self structure would lead to healthy risk and vulnerability, which would in reality increase intimacy and closeness. This argument isn't given any weight at all. I will return to this point later.
In the next part of the book, there is guidance for fostering deeper intimacy by depriving oneself of orgasm as a routine matter of course. While I agree this practice can be useful to appreciate and nurture other aspects of the relationship such as affection, intimate conversation, etc., I don't agree that this is necessary or even desirable for many people.
I am a 45 year old male and have graduate degrees in biochemistry and psychology. As an undergraduate I majored in Biological Research and I have been studying comparative religion for over 20 years. My personal experience is that regular sexual intercourse with orgasm brings me closer to my partner, makes me want to be with my partner even more and is quite bonding. In general, I don't experience the fear of merging that the author talks about or being annhilated. From my experience in personal growth coaching and from the literature on love, I think it is safe to say this is the case for many other people. This seems to be another flaw in logic. However, I do advocate if those feelings come up in a strong way, one ought to consider the level of trust vs. the level of commitment. Some of what Ms. Robinson labels as normal reactions may actually be tendencies that don't consider factors such as personal development, conditioning, the influence of culture, the presence of shame or guilt from the family of origin, etc. In short, sexual behavior is complicated, I think this book takes an overly simplistic view of the true situation.
Another argument the author makes is that compatability is not a key point in dysfunctional patterns, but rather it is all biology. I disagree with this point as well. As Sam Hamburg says in another excellent book, Will Our Love Last?: A Couple's Road Map, compatability seems to cause commitment rather than vice versa. In the same book, he points out that marriage is a PUBLIC affair, while love is often private. This often leads to third parties having a lot of input into marital decisions, which may in part account for the rate of divorce, infidelity, etc. In his many years of counseling, he has seen that people who are compatible on three dimensions which he terms practical, wavelength and chemistry DON'T find it difficult to keep their commitments and that sex is bonding. The famous book A General Theory of Love elaborates on some of the biological and psychological reasons why this may be so.
Perhaps by now you are wondering why I am rating this book a four if I have a lot of critical things to say about it. The answer is that there is so much focus on communication, sexual technique and the importance of sex in relationship literature that this book offers a good alternative viewpoint. While I don't agree with the extreme view that is presented in this book, I do agree that hidden mating agendas CAN undermine relationships and that couple's often take each other for granted. If more couples focused on affection, conversation and a heart-centered connection, I suspect we would have more happy couples. Practicing abstaining orgasm could be a useful practice along these lines, but I don't believe it is necessary or the only practice that could enhance people's appreciation for each other and ward off sexual boredom.
The emphasis in the media, magazines and in popular culture in general seems to err on the other side to me. In other words, this cultural mileau seems to promote unrealistic expectations, many of which are handed down from the period of courtly love. In other words, we are conditioned to have high expectations, magical thinking and do a lot of projection in positive and negative ways. I think this is at least as important as what is going on with neurochemicals in the brain after orgasm. However, this book is useful in that it emphasizes that focusing more on love and less on sexual release would allow one to see their partner from a loving space. I wholeheartedly agree with this in moderation, but the extreme version presented here does offset a culture bias.
This is basically a good book with a lot of excellent information. I think the author has many worthwhile observations, but I don't think this is THE answer... it is AN answer of many to a very complicated and paradoxical area. I think a broader approach would have served most people better and I feel the author relied too much on her own opinion more than ALL of the AVAILABLE data. I suspect her research in this area took place once her opinion was already established and this may have biased her results and conclusions. I think it would be useful to apply something such as Ken Wilber's Integral Model to this complex problem because I think this book just leaves out to much. You can read about Wilber's model in the very accessible A Brief History of Everything. If your interest in some of the deeper psychological issues and considerations is strong, I would also consider reading Women, Sex, and Addiction: A Search for Love and Power as well as The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment.
Again, my overall rating is a 3.5 and I found the book worthwhile to read. I believe it could help a lot of couples to be more appreciative of each other and have a better sex life. However, I would take some of the information with a grain of salt or at least balance it with other more complex perspectives that consider other aspects of the issues.
makes great sense to me :) April 9, 2007
Marnia Robinson lays it out very simply in this book. I was already introduced into this method of making love through reading religious and spiritual texts, but this book helped me to REALLY understand the 'WHY's and the 'HOW's. How does a normal person like me ACTUALLY put these things into PRACTICE? That is what this book is good for, very practical. She not only explains the science behind it extremely clearly, but also she prescribes a 2-3 week program to get you and your lover started. This book came just in time to save me and my fiancee :) One of the reviews says reading this book was one "AHA!" after another, this is so very true.
worth the $10 for sure!
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